USA! USA! USA!

Hi! I am so excited because AWP is in WASHINGTON DC this year which is the NATION'S CAPITAL. I don't know what DC stands for but I'm pretty sure it stands for 'DA CRUNKEST' although I'm not entirely sure! I wonder if it has anything to do with the time that me and all of my friends were really into skateboarding but none of us could really skateboard so we put wax on various curbs around town and attempted to GRIND but we couldn't do that either so we tried to OLLIE (which is the act of jumping in the air with a skateboard or when you accidentally kick a copy of Dos Passos Review in your hotel room and it opens up to a poem about birds) but we couldn't do that either and so we went inside and played TONY HAWK'S PROSKATER and we got triple points and collected all of the letters that said 'SNAPE' and then it was a total SPOILER ALERT, but we still wore Etnies because they were comfortable and conformed to the flatness of our feets, and we still wore Hang-Ups because of the anime chicks reminded us of Amy Hempel except Japanese and with comically (get it?) large breasts! Man, skateboarding was awesome! Did you know that Bob Hicok did the motion capture for Bob Burnquist in that game? They're both named Bob! They both have animal souls! 360 Pop-Shove It to Triptych!

I am thankful that we are finally making up for that AWP Vancouver 2005 terribleness! Canada! C'mon people! The only thing good to come out of Canada is Metazen and the majority of the ensembles for SNICK! The Cast of Are You Afraid of the Dark is all scared and then someone says 'WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOOT' and makes a reference to Luc Robataille and I am all like THE DRAMA AND TERROR OF A TYPEWRITER THAT IS CURSED AND CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE IS GONE! I AM TAKEN OUT OF THE NARRATIVE AT TIMES THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING US TO CONSIDER YOUR BALLS, NICKELODEON! Give me quality American programming like that fucked up Little Prince show and that fucked up Koala Bear show and that fucked up Gnome show! Don't think we don't remember Admiral Cockburn (lol) taking all of the Cs from The National Intelligencer so that they couldn't print terrible things about him! It's kind of like the time that Carolyn Forché hacked into the computers at The Harvard Review and corrupted all of the serif-fonts that that they couldn't make an accent-aigu without copying and pasting it from the Internet and then converting it from ARIAL to GARAMOND but then the kerning was all fucked up like that Koala Bear show (what was up with the Koala Bear show?) which is what everyone did anyway because how are we supposed to remember the correct Unicode three digit NUMPAD key-in for diacritic marks? (I AM LOOKING AT YOU TOMAŽ ŠALAMUN) I mean, isn't the voiced postalveolar fricative the WORST!?!?