PTI Does Jhumpa Lahiri

MW: Pardon The Interruption but I'm Mike Wilbon. Tony, did you hear there's a writer's conference going on in town?

TK: And I'm Tony Kornheiser. A writer's conference? What do they need to confer about? What metaphor they need to use to describe their dying relationships with non-writers?

*theme music*

TK: Welcome to PTI, boys and girls, happy AWP to those of you who celebrate sadness. Plenty to talk about on the show, but first we start with Jhumpa. Last night in front of a packed house, Jhumpa Lahiri was supposed to read. The reading was scheduled for 7pm. Wilbon, she didn't go on until NINE THIRTY. Many people were upset over the amount of time it took to introduce her and the pre-reading material was longer than the reading itself. Is this something that we should've seen coming from a Key Note Speaker or is this over the line?

MW: Now Tony, I know Jhumpa Lahiri. Not a lot...but a little bit. I'd be reticent to say that this was the plan from the get-go. Now Tony, we've covered a lot of readings in the past. It has gotten to the point where the pre-reading festivities OUTWEIGH the actual reading. It has NOTHING to do with the actual reading anymore.

TK: Wilbon, we've seen a lot of readings. I think back to the Terrance Hayes reading a few years back where Mark Jarman went on for forty-five minutes talking about how if Walt Whitman and Emily Dickinson had a baby it would be Terrance Hayes.

MW: Right.

TK: But to say that the pre-reading introduction trumps the reading itself is MORONIC. When we look back 10, 15 years from now, what will we remember? Not the fact that the president of George Washington University's kids are learning how to read and write. Not the fact that Askold Melnyczuk won some award. It's about how Jhumpa Lahiri looks pretty much exactly like she does in her author photo.

MW: I can't believe you would skewer Askold Melynczuk like that! What happened to Askold Melynczuk was YA BOY?

TK: Here's what I think: there's no room for this type of stuff in today's game. It is drek. It is schlock.

MW: But you just said...

TK: I know what I said.

MW: Let me AXE you a question: you want to CHANGE the way introductions work because of a bunch of KNUCKLEHEADS who go on too long talking about their grandchildren and the roles of deans of English departments?

TK: Speaking of rolls, when she finally got up there she talked about how much she liked the dinner that AWP provided for her.

MW: You think it was a Zenyatta burger?

TK: It SICKENS me to think that.

*ding*

TK: We're gonna take a break. Coming up, we'll talk about the lack of attendance at the 'Women Writers in the Womb' panel, and later we'll preview the upcoming Rankine-Hoagland fight, plus Five Good Minutes with a reader at the PANK/Annalemma/Mud Luscious Reading who went for twelve minutes.