Hearts on Fire

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Valentine's Day! If there's anything that us writers love more than love it's writing about love! Love is in the air! Love lifts us up to where we belong! Love is a battlefield! *shoulder shrug pimp fight*

I'm going to propose to my girlfriend at AWP! I'll probably do it right in front of the New Madrid table! I will get down on one knee and my little badge will sway back and forth and turn around and I'll make sure to adjust it accordingly so everyone can see it so that there's an off chance they know my name from '________ Review' or 'Best _________ Volume _____' and will be like 'OMG I LOVE YOU' because that's what Valentine's Day is all about! I will then pull out a BUTTON that I have acquired from one of the many tables that give out buttons and be like 'With this button I thee wed' and I'll pin it on her overly frumpy hand-me-down sweater and I'll try my best not to stab through the porous material but I'll probably do it anyway and she'll be like 'OW...who are you?' and then I'll go hang out with the nice Hilton employee who is serving 2 dollar baby bottles of Diet Coke and I'll be like 'Buster' (his name will be Buster) 'Buster, life is hard...love...love is...strange.' and he'll just nod and maybe he'll give me a free ice cube or something.

OR maybe I'll do it in the middle of the lobby like that one commercial where the guy is like 'I LOVE THIS WOMANNNNNNNNN' and all the pigeons fly away (and by pigeons I mean those who are self-publishing) and then I'll be like 'Hit it Buster!' and Buster will be playing that grand piano and play our favorite song Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off, but it'll be a piano version and soft and sweet and I'll delicately chime in at the 'na na na na nanana naaa naaa' part and as I'm doing this I'll present her with a bottle of Tabasco sauce I got at the Southern Review table and I'll be like 'we are a lovely and efficient blend of tabasco and vinegar, hot to the touch, spicing up anything that we pour ourselves onto, including chicken, fish, crab cakes, omelets, and other food stuffs and also we select Poems and fiction with careful attention to craftsmanship and technique and to the seriousness of the subject matter but shy away from experimental forms because our love is not a gimmick and it can distract from the integrity of our sanctity,' and we'll be in love forever!

OR maybe I'll go to the United Center and do it during halftime of the Chicago Bulls game and Benny the Bull and the Luv-A-Bulls will help me in some hilarious and elaborate proposal scheme and Bill Cartwright and Toni Kucok will give me the 'THUMBS UP DUDE WAY TO GO' and there will be NACHOS and it'll be awesome and have nothing to do with writing with the exception of Mary Jo Bang being there and trying to hit a half-court shot with the chance to win $5,000 and a one-and-a-half year subscription to Willow Springs, except she'll shoot the ball and like a strange balloon mounting towards infinity it'll clank off the shot clock and hit me in the face right as I'm about to propose and now VALENTINE'S DAY IS RUINED!

J/K I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND (CALL ME?)